The pointlessness is immense. It’s like a black cloud that rolls down the mountain, stripping the life out of everything and mocking the concept of hope. Why am I so prone to extremes of temperament? One moment I rejoice, exalt the moment and the very next I am pitifully immersed in self-doubt? Maybe I ‘am being human…but I have no business being human anymore.
An important presentation. Eight days of creative work. Countless hours of imagination and a ton more of trepidation. Finally, the high powered meeting and I failed. I fell flat like a zombie who realized how absurdly out-of-place he is. I stood there unable to defend my ideas- I listened to the critics and did not fight for my baby. I am ashamed…insecure…and brooding. This is not who I ‘am…well, maybe the collective burden of all those little setbacks this last month are turning in an interest. Shoo mental birds…shoo.
Nope…the clouds are meant to dissolve. That is their ultimate destiny. For nothing is a permanent mark, a pain if the heart rings true. I will go have some dinner, my drawing book safe in my hands and I shall let the freshness of my mind guide me through those lines and curves. I shall hold my head low, I shall concentrate, I shall inspire and educate myself and ultimately I shall have my answers.
Come Monday, I shall have my moment. And through this long and testing year, I shall have more.
Afterall, it’s the grand prize that matters, right? And what’s a target that is achieved without a fight?