At the foot of the hills,
Where on the grass the sun shines
I sat, exhaled, hugged myself closer
lost deep in the quagmire of intangible signs
"Why am I here? Should I be here?"
My mind asked me,infinite times
for everywhere I see- a mysterious beauty surrounds me
Nature, lost in her delicious rhymes
Do I deserve the richness of this feeling?
Is this an illusion, soon to dispel?
I, a greasy flotsam, a filthy thing
A fallen angel, before the heavens fell
Deep in my gut, where the little voices are
an echo- nay, a cry for help, a plead for release
yet here amongst the green and living
breathing, feeling, seems a lovely tease
A monster in the Garden of Eden?
Whence are the children of God?
Why do I walk free? To do as I shall please
(for see, an abomination knows its rightful place-
in perpetual disgrace- forever hiding its despised face)
And then, in an instant, all went quiet
As cold winds hit me, gentle caress, my eyes are closed
I expect the unknown wrath, "how dare he walks, so monstrously posed?"
Yet my heart seems full, a strange (yet assumingly fleeting) joy
like resurrection- I lie waiting, fearing the unseen ploy
I was teased, a glimpse of perfection, before the final blow
Then shall I be tossed like refuse, back to the filth shall I go
And amidst my confusion and searing pain
I have my lesson- never to trust a dream again….
Thus my eyes- clinched tight- the final attempt to feel needed
to the unknown powers they be- my heart sliently pleaded
And then, the warmest, softest hand I could ever know
clenched mine- like a twig of ivy on the hardest snow
And there- In that instance, I finally realise
It wasn't mercy- a paradise that I was shown
It was her...her silent, assuring world
She has made me a part of her own.