Saturday, November 20, 2010

Deep Frying an Iconic Tale (Purists beware)

And the machine springs to life again, :)

Was doing some spring cleaning amongst my email IDs and came across a very interesting entry. Be warned, this is a massive post and it would help if you would drop your logical perceptions at the door. Kinda goofy actually, but it got the laughs when I first penned it. The post is in two parts...

1) The Source : Are you aware of this short story called, "The Lady or the Tiger?". If you studied in the CBSE schools, this was a chapter in the 8th or 9th grade English class. If not, here is the link to a complete version. Read up:

2) My Sarcastic Take :  As part of a discussion amongst my school friends (years later, from the safety of our professional lives, of course) we had talked about this timeless story. Maybe it was the lack of sleep (I penned this one originally at about 2am) or a childhood infatuation with being a stand-up comic, I ended up with this version. Bon voyage mein friends...:)

"If you ask for my version....the Man goes to the door, intent on opening it and knowing once and for all; what lies in his destiny. But...then the Tiger decides that the joke has gone too far and lets out a whiny, grumpy, anti-US, down with Global Warming growl. Just in time for our Hero, who jumps to the next choice...alas, this door opens to empty space, and before we decide it proof enough to bring God into solid existence- we are told, by the rather underpaid robinhood type turned royal guards that the Royal Carpenter (by that analogy, we ought to have a Royal Garbage collector, Royal Dishwasher, Royal "Monthly Meter reading dude"......anywhooo) in his fit of misplaced arrogance and regular nights at the Royal Casino cum Bar cum "bad-bad place" has forgotten to enforce the partition between the two doors with solid Fevicol enforced boards. Hence, while we waited for the moron to push that door open- the Foolish Girl behind the door, inspired by Nat Geo and Discovery- the order remains hotly debated- and not really wishing to marry the above mentioned clod, whose character was the matter of last month's Playboy magazine, decides to take down the board and use her assumed feminine and logistical powers upon the awaiting Tiger. She failed and was a pleasing 15 mins to the fiery feline before it decides on a Nap. So, the climax was way off from what was assumed..... but, since that would mean bad ratings and an Advertising nightmare, the Hero had to spend the next hour deeply immersed in a folk dance- the presentation of which was so vulgar that he was instantly sentenced to death. That particular dance was banned for all practical purposes before Mick Jagger decided it time to be born again.
An hour later, our Hero was hanged...... ...the Conventional way.
Now THAT....dear buddies....IS A STORY....
(Must have that vacation.... .must have that vacation.... ...must.. ....)

Note to the 'Past me'...."your grammar gives me the creeps dude. And hitting that many '....' ain't cool. BTW, better be nice to that hairline of yours- wont have much to love by the time we reach 2010. And don't bother voting (ever), nothing changes apart from your childish optimism"

Peace out.